Những đêm cuối ở CCU, mình sẽ nhớ góc phòng này lắm, nhớ sẽ nhớ ô cửa số nhìn ra thế giới bình yên của mình lắm. Ánh điện dưới sân vận động len lỏi qua tán lá vào tận chiếc giường tầng quen thuộc đã 2 năm. Đôi khi còn là cả ánh trăng, và còn cả những đêm không ngủ như đêm nay, cùng vũ trụ chuyển mình từ ánh sáng le lói buổi đêm sang ban ngày.
Đôi khi mất ngủ không quá phiền như mọi khi, nhất là khi bản thân nhẹ nhàng chấp nhận nó, tận hưởng nó và đôi khi nó còn tích cực giúp mình hiểu thấu đáo về những việc đã qua và sắp tới.
The last nights in CCU, I will miss this room corner, will miss this window to see my peaceful world so much. The light from the track field, sometimes also the moon is flickering through the leaf to reach our my bed. And also the sleepless nights like tonight, with the universe changing from night into daylight.
Sometimes sleepless is not to annoy as usual, especially when you accept it gently, enjoy it and it may also help us truly understand what happened and next.
What did I think last night?
My thought was with my younger sister, can she sleep well tonight? I just suffered it so more than anyone else, I knew it is very hard to time for her now. But I believe she can get over it. Time and experience will help her to grow up as it did help me.
My thought was with J. I think I found the reasons made she is confused with her future plan. Even though I knew she was braved in her past, but there are some lessons in life we need to learn again and again. I was in the same situations so I understood that it is not always easy for us to learn thoroughly from the past. And I could not believe my feelings about her is true. Even she did not talk anything to me last time we chat, but when logged in iMessage, I saw her message that she wants to talk to me. Thank God gave me that intuition, so I was able to be there to share with her when she needs. Just right before that, I chit chat with Josue and said that I often lost sleep only when there is something happened to my close people or they missed me too much ^^.
I also thought about my gege, I missed some nice time we had together. I think I will break my promise with him, I want to have a beer before I left CCU, I will sit on the roof of my dormitory, in the gentle breeze, look down to the light far from foothill and sip a beer. I wonder how is his life going? What if he misses me though a little bit? Such a long time I haven’t chat with him via FB even I knew he is online. I know he is kind of person who knows how to start a conversation first if he wants. He did not contact me, maybe coz he forgot me already or I’m not important as he is in my life. Think like that made me sad a little bit. But it doesn’t matter much. This morning I just chatted with đại ca - my first sworn brother. It's been a long time since last time we contact each other, but time and distant could not keep us apart. I still felt very close and I knew I was always a little sister in his heart, forever, even we rarely to talk, even he has his own small family now. I told him until now I only call 2 people as my “big brother” is he and Josue, and in the future, I plan not to receive anyone else, coz to separate with them is so painful :p. I still remember when his first girlfriend was jealous with me coz he cared about me too much, he said to her that she can ask him to stop to be friend with anyone, but not me. He would never stop to care about me no matter what. Such a foolish idea when we were in early twenty, but it is my privilege to have those 2 sworn brothers. No matter what happens, I had them in my heart, forever.
I thought about others people who went through my life.
I thought about sis Luyen and her husband, those people I just knew less than a half of year, but they like my parent here. She called me immediately when she knew I got hurt in my shoulder today and brought me to the doctor for an injection. Her husband who cannot speak any Vietnamese words, my Chinese is not too good either but I always feel warm in my heart whenever I met him. Those people definitely are descended different from me, but they let me know that doing the right thing, being a kind people will make our life is simpler and happier.
I remember the most interesting-old teacher in my previous job, whom I only got a chance to talked with very few times, but he gave me so many great lessons in life. I can’t wait to come back to Vietnam at the end of this year to meet him. He is old now, but he is very like the man in the novel I really love to read “ 100 years old man cross the window and disappear”. I hope he will like that man, live until more than 100 years old so I would be able to meet him again and again. He likes to drink beer a lot, he drinks it as others drink tea :v Next time I will drink beer with him >.<
Oh I remembered Phuong, who he introduced to me to consult her about Taiwan scholarship. And the world is small, she is in the same class with Dat lady and Bao Chau. I like these 2 young students a lot. And suddenly I remembered I haven’t had Bao Chau’s FB yet. And know what? I logged in FB around 4pm and I saw her friend request. See, life is so miracle, that's why I always believe in the intangible string between people.
We live and leave people. We love and get left by them. People we thought would be with us forever aren’t and people we didn’t know would come into our lives do.
Who will come into the next chapter of my life?
Today I went to NCYU to ask about the academic things and I met few people who are very friendly. I also bumped into Hoang in the social hall, and he shared with me a lot of interesting about the purpose of learning, especially about learning Ph.D. in Taiwan. He even told me he would teach me how to do self-study. I think I will stop this summer here. Anyway, I had more than 3 months to relax and enjoyed the time as a reward for my hard working on the thesis, it is enough. Now I am eager to continue to learn in the academic topic again. It is time for studying hard again, and if I do it well, next summer 1 month Europe or Latin American trip will be my reward. Yeah, jia-you.
I feel secure about my next stage. It is very clear now for my purpose of my Ph.D. here. I found out the reasons made me hesitate to take Ph.D. here is the chance to learn English. I thought I would lost the chance to learn it fast in English speaking country which I might have a chance to be there if I try to look at it. But I was wrong. I still have my long life ahead to do it, and I can totally do it after 4 years here. Language anyway just is a tool for us to cultivate our mind. English or Chinese is all good. I am having a chance to be here, I should focus on its own value and make most of it.
Meanwhile, everywhere in this world has it own unique things to learn. People from the West go to the East to learn and other ways around. “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” so stop looking around and learn as much as I can.
I am ready now.
One more times, life always gives us all that we need to be happy, just need to see it carefully.
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